Father's Day and Mother's Day present me with mixed emotions. All of my parents are gone now and it is a reminder that they are not here with me physically. I am an orphan.
Orphan. According to the Canadian government I became an orphan in 1973 at the age of 7 when my first dad, Nelson Nutbrown, passed away. He was in an accident at work and died when a trench he was fitting pipes into caved in on him. The date was Sept. 10, 1973 and I had just started grade 2. My mom was still living, but at that point the Canada Pension Plan gave her Widow's benefit and she received orphan's benefit for me. When she remarried two years later her widow's benefit stopped but my orphan's benefit continued until I graduated from high school. So I was an "orphan" even then. I do not know if it is the same now or not. That was a long time ago. I do not consider that I was an orphan until my mom passed away in 2011. At that point I had no parents left here in a physical form.
Back to my two dads. My first Dad was a good man. I was adopted basically at birth by him and my mom. He was a hard worker and a kind man. He wanted to be and was loved by many. He was fair and considerate of everyone. I have exactly three memories of him. One memory is of me sitting on his lap watching Grandpa Sneezby (a host for kids cartoon shows) on tv on Saturday morning. It was my favourite thing to do with him. Another memory is of sitting in my sister's basement room and again, on his knee in a rocking chair listening to Johnny Cash on her stereo on a hot summer day. The last memory I have of him is riding with him in his back-hoe. He would let me and my nephew work the levers sometimes and sometimes we rode in the shovel (kids would NEVER be allowed to do that today). Other than that there are just snippets of memories, or smells (like the smell of his pipe and the brown amphora pipe tobacco) or songs that remind me of him. My sister and my brothers were all in their late teens and early 20's when he died. They have memories.Many more. And they miss him. I know they do. I miss him too. He was my Daddy.
My mom remarried in 1975 to Beverley Murdoch. He was a good man too. Whereas Nelson was really outgoing and liked to kick back with his friends and have a few drinks, Bev was much more serious. He didn't drink at all, but he did have friends and he and his friends could talk for hours. I think he preferred talking to them one on one rather than in a group. For the first few years I slept in what had been the spare room at his house, and that was where the second phone extension was. And he would talk for hours with some of his friends. Usually at my bedtime. I remember my mom getting so exasperated because I couldn't go to bed because my dad was on the phone. Eventually I got a room in the basement and then that wasn't a problem. Though my love for him was never the same as the way I loved my Daddy, I did love him in a different way. He was kind and gentle and put up with a lot from me while I went through adolescence. He was Dad, Dad passed away in 2000 from a heart attack followed by a stroke. I miss him too.
I am so blessed to have had two amazing Dads. My mom did a good job picking her husbands. I know that the type of father they would be went into her decision about marriage, both times. Both of them took the responsibility of their family seriously and did a good job of it. Dad had been a bachelor and had no children of his own when he married my mom, and suddenly he had four kids (3 grown ones), a grandson and a dog. But he handled it. And I know when he got to Heaven, my Daddy was right there to thank him for taking care of his family.
So on a day like today I miss my dads. And I feel sad for all the kids who never even had a chance to have a wonderful dad in their lives. Some of them have awesome moms who have a dual role. But some don't have anyone. Or the dad they have is a deadbeat dad or one that thinks other things are more important than their children. I feel sad for those kids. I am blessed.
And now I look at my husband and how he is with our son. He is an amazing Dad too. And once more I feel blessed. I didn't just pick out a good Dad like my mom did. I dated and almost married several who would not exactly fall into that category for one reason or another before I met Kevin. I am so glad that I finally got it right. And our son is the one who benefits the most from my decision. And I think that up in Heaven are two men, sitting together looking out at the man who supports me and our son and they are nodding in approval.
And my son, Jesse, and I are blessed.
Getting off my soapbox now
Shannon
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